I really hate going to the dentist. There's nothing wrong with my teeth beyond a little sensitivity from wear and tear on the enamel. It's not like I end up having to have lots of work done, so there's no good reason for me to hate going to the dentist, but that doesn't stop me from hating it. I'm not alone, apparently. 50% of Americans avoid going to the dentist, and about 20% of them do so because they hate going. They're scared.
I had one bad experience and that's enough to put a person off for a good long time. I had some fillings replaced. The assistant prepped me for the work, which involved parking a 1972 Cadillac in my mouth, and left me there for what felt like an eternity. I was pretty traumatized. My jaw hurt for three weeks after that. Furthermore, they missed a filling. They probably could not see it behind the tailfins of the enormous car they'd wedged in there. If they think I'm going to let them get it, they're wrong. (You should hear the conversations we have about my wisdom teeth. You'd think I was hiding a winning lottery ticket in there.)
I had planned to fire my dentist after the incident with the car parking, but I lost my dental insurance so I just stopped going. Don't get grossed out, it's not like I've gone all swamp mouthy, I bought one of those expensive SonicCare toothbrushes, the anti-plaque rinse, and the dental tape and from the day I lost my insurance, I began a religious regimen of caring for my choppers. My loathing of trips to the dentist has led to a borderline obsessive compulsive routine of dental care.
I figured that with all that home care, my choppers should have been bright and shiny. But no. It seems that the over the counter solutions are not quite enough to keep the pearly whites - um - pearly white. You have been wondering about those tooth whitening products, have you not? I had been too, especially since my addiction to caffeine means that my choppers, as well rinsed and scrubbed and flossed as they are, also suffer from unsightly staining. Let me tell you this, fellow coffee lovers: Save your money. The drug store packages of whiteners won't take those coffee stains off your teeth. Nope. Sorry. You have to go to the dentist.
The Crest web site says that some people won't get any results from their product, but that doesn't really satisfy me. After all, the people at Crest didn't have to spend their morning in the chair with a stranger's hands in their mouths. I'd like them to refund not only the cost of the box of white strips, but the co-pay to my dentist and perhaps the hour and a half of my time that I squandered at the clinic.
Plus, my teeth hurt now. They're hypersensitive from the scraping and scrubbing and poking. My coffee is too hot and my juice is too cold and my jaw feels a little sore from being stretched open.
By the way, I have a method now for dealing with the dentist, it's this: I tell them how absolutely paranoid I am that they are going to hurt me and that my teeth are really very sensitive. It's not entirely true, but I have noticed that if I warn them that I'm the kind of person who might, at any moment, leap out of the chair screaming and start hurling sharp objects in self defense, they treat me really carefully.
I survived the cleaning and got a clean bill of health from the dentist. Plus, my smile is all clean and shiny. It's like a renovation in my mouth. It got that way at the dentist's office. My advice to you? Don't bother with the drug store stuff. Take some tranquilizers and go to the dentist. Maybe try not to drink so much coffee first. It really stains your teeth.
